The title is a phrase I keep muttering to myself while reading the Book of Mormon. Read on to see why.

1 Nephi Chapter 7
Lehi’s sons return to Jerusalem and invite Ishmael and his household to join them in their journey. Laman and others rebel. Nephi exhorts his brethren to have faith in the Lord. They bind him with cords and plan his destruction. He is freed by the power of faith. His brethren ask forgiveness. Lehi and his company offer sacrifice and burnt offerings. About 600-592 B.C.
1: “And now I would that ye might know, that after my father, Lehi, had made an end of prophesying concerning his seed, it came to pass that the Lord spake unto him again, saying that was not meet for him, Lehi, that he should take his family into the wilderness alone; but that his sons should take daughters to wife, that they might raise up seed unto the Lord in the land of promise.”
2: “And it came to pass that the Lord commanded him that I, Nephi, and my brethren, should again return unto the land of Jerusalem, and bring down Ishmael and his family into the wilderness.”
Who is Ishmael? If you read the Old Testament, you’ll notice when someone is named, “son of…” is somehow attached to who is being named. This does not always occur when the person being spoken about is well-known already to the narrative. For example, King David is not always written as “David, son of Jesse,” but his father was named at the start of and throughout the record of his life in the Old Testament. So, it’s strange and differs from the Bible to simply bring some seemingly random person into the story without clarifying who they are in relation to their tribe and others.
4: “And it came to pass that we went up into the house of Ishmael, and we did gain favor in the sight of Ishmael, insomuch that we did speak unto him the words of the Lord.”
What were those words? What was said to him and his household to convince them to leave their home and go into the wilderness? It’s strange that nothing that was said at this meeting made it into this record.
5: “And it came to pass that the Lord did soften the heart of Ishmael, and also his household, insomuch that they took their journey with us down into the wilderness to the tent of our father.”
This verse makes the aforementioned missing information more bizarre. In what way did Ishmael’s heart need softening? Against what was it hardened? Against God, or against leaving?
6: “And it came to pass that as we journeyed in the wilderness, behold Laman and Lemuel, and two of the daughters of Ishmael, and two of the sons of Ishmael and their families, did rebel against us; yea, against me, Nephi, and Sam, and their father, Ishmael, and his wife, and his three other daughters.”
7: “And it came to pass in the which rebellion, they were desirous to return unto the land of Jerusalem.”
I’ll mention again that I am typing these verses out exactly as they’re printed in the Book of Mormon. So, grammatically incorrect phrasing is not an error on my part. Now, onto the main point here: why did the rebellious members of this party want to return to Jerusalem? What was stopping them from splitting from the group and going back? They weren’t being held captive. This is an odd, needless conflict that has no real purpose or explanation. It’s as if it’s written simply for the sake of having conflict.
The next several verses consist of Nephi admonishing his brothers for hardening their hearts against what God has supposedly told them to do. He talks about the land of promise and needing to obey God. This further irritates Laman and Lemuel, who take matters into their own hands.
16: “And it came to pass that when I, Nephi, had spoken these words unto my brethren, they were angry with me. And it came to pass that they did lay their hands on me, for behold, they were exceedingly wroth, and they did bind me with cords, for they sought to take away my life, that they might leave me in the wilderness to be devoured by wild beasts.”
This bears a strange resemblance to the incident in the Bible when Joseph’s brothers, in a fit of jealous rage, throw him into a pit and discuss what they’re going to do with him over lunch. While they didn’t kill him and sold him to a passing caravan instead, they did allow their father to believe he had been killed by a wild animal. See Genesis 37:18-36 for more details. Also, it may be a minor point, but where was everyone else when this was taking place? Were they simply watching Nephi being bound by his brothers?
17: “And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst from these bands with which I am bound.”
18: “And it came to pass that when I had said these words, behold, the bands were loosed from off my hands and feet, and I stood before my brethren, and I spake to them again.”
I read these verses and thought of Samson’s last prayer to God to grant him strength one last time to avenge the loss of his eyes. I was also reminded of the instance when the Philistines bound him with cords and he broke them easily because of the strength God gave him (as long as he didn’t cut his hair, of course). Read Judges 16 for more information on Samson. It’s as if Joseph Smith took bits and pieces of Old Testament stories and scrambled them around just enough to make it not seem like he was taking his ideas from other sources.
This chapter continues with Ishmael’s wife and one of his daughters convincing Laman and Lemuel to cease their aggression against Nephi. Not another word is mentioned of Ishmael’s sons and daughters who joined Laman and Lemuel in their rebellion, so it’s impossible to say what they were doing when all of this was taking place or what their responses were to Nephi. That’s another strange, small plot hole.
Laman and Lemuel ask Nephi’s forgiveness, which he grants. Then they all hold hands and sing Kumbaya by a campfire. Just kidding. They all go down to where Lehi has settled and offer sacrifices and burnt offerings.

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